if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
