Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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