I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if i can run in heels then i can drive
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Randomize
