there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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