you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
