I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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