Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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