Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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