I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
