Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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