NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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