So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
