Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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