I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
