remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
