I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
