Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
