Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
