I'm lost and stupid without you.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
