Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
