So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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