Just mADE A PArabola og urine
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
