you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Randomize
