Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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