The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
one might say we're banned from that church
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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