So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
