remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
