This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
