you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
