If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
His nipple licking is glorious
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