these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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