Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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