im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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