Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize