Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
