I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
