arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
In America we eat man semen.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
