yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
