I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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