Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
where am i from again
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
