and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
