I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
