I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We have started to decorate penises.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
