take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
