So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
