I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize