Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize