I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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