Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize