what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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