I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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