how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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