It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
