i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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