All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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