OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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