jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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