Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
