I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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