I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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