She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
