Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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