My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How external is "for external use only"?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
