let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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