so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
