i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
